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Saturday, December 17, 2005
Note: This is a super long entry which is totally no link. Please do not read it if you find it boring. haha.
I have 2 weaknesses.
These 2 are very big weaknesses.
and I face it 2 days straight.
No 1: Unable to separate emotions and work
Everyone has to go thru this stage.
It depends when and how you are going thru this.
I go thru it in a hard way.
a way that I never expect myself to go thru.
even till now,
I should say I have not passed the test.
You may say it is so easy.
just hack whatever people say.
While trying standing in my position and you will know.
Being "taught" how to work in the public place is not a pleasant thing to have.
quoted by a Managing Director to me in front of our partner:
"We have recently engaged xxx to do this training, so far our relationship is STILL BUILDING UP. And we are TRYING TO IMPROVE ON IT."
Ok, apparently this guy has some problems with his stuff,
and being a "me" I choose to stick to rules that was given in US.
He suggest me to fake thru which my boss too do not agree.
Anyway this is what I got from him yesterday.
Haha. This did not end here.
Next, while I am feeling very uncomfortable regarding this and wanted to get out of this cocktail party.
He walked over and talked to my colleagues and me:
"Wee Ching you have to be flexible you know. I know it cannot be done, that's y I engaged you to find a solution, if not you think I need you meh. If they tell you cannot be done, you should have said, if the sales of 100K is not closed den the fault lies on YOU not ME. I am counting on you in this area leh. so muz be flexible, think out of the box. If always think inside the box, then no need to work liao."
Apprantly he was super loud.
Though there are songs ard. I guess ppl still hear it ba.
Ok. Haven end leh. But this part is more to me pressuring myself.
He went on stage to give a speech:
"When I saw you partners, I shivered man, coz you ppl are all clever and intelligence people. I am so happy to work with you guys. We grow together and we help each other. So just go ahead and agree with our end-users even if it cannot be settle. We can "settle" the case internally. Yes, go ppl!"
I know I din manage well the case.
and I am stupid that I sent out an email that should not be sent.
I learnt. Really Learnt.
But this hurdle is not over yet.
coz it will take days to absorb.
I can tell you, even now I hear his name or voice or his team,
I will pretend I din see anything.
For the fact that he will shot me anytime.
*shiver*
When things are not yet settled with my outsourced company,
internally sth happened.
That need my boss to clean up.
Yes. My boss is worried abt me after knowing what happened for the past weeks when he was having holiday with his family.
And we met up for dinner.
waited for him for nearly an hour.
coz got jam la and he just ended a meeting.
No 2: Don know how to voice out and make FIRM decision.
During the waiting time,
my colleague was talking about him.
I must really be thankful to her, Carolyn.
She really teach me alot.
and I am so sorry that she was sorta got shoot too by boss.
Yes, sort of review what we have done for the past 2 weeks when he is away.
He was quite "pleased" with the results.
judging on the ceteria "short term plan".
Current procedure is everything have to go thru me.
as I am the main coordinator of the project.
In fact I should not say project,
I am like a sold pdt to this company that y the previous weakness was spotted.
But I am supposed to leave by end of dec.
When nobody is supposed to know abt this,
and yet everybody is looking for me on this project.
How am I going to escape.
I am stuck. Yes. Stuck.
Now they are sending ppl to US for training.
To be familiar with what we do.
Who do you want to send.
My colleague suggested me going with her.
Boss agreed with her.
and come back to me to talk abt sth abt Finance project.
Cool rite. from one proj to another.
Now boss is back,
reviewing it, should I be the one really going US.
Even I doubt myself.
Not my ability, but my commitment to this job once I left.
Does it value add to both the outsourced company or my company.
Yes and No.
The fact that MNC is not favoring Outsourcing,
bringing me up there, will show that I am learning and how confident I am.
Afterall, as far as they know, they are coordinating with me.
On the other hand,
How long can I continued with this proj
or should I say how long can I stayed.
I need to go back to school.
I always have this doubt that y in the first place,
I rejected this offer of going US.
In the end, I was persuaded.
Now come to it, it is back to square one.
In fact even worst.
Brother wanted me to get an employment contract.
haha. boss said, employment contract is like a marriage.
Once you signed you got to fulfill it.
I will be happy to sign it if I am giving this contract to you.
But are you able to fulfill it?
I don know. Seriously I don know which field I am going at all.
He proposed doing my internship with me,
but it won be doing the same thing that I am doing,
it will be a new thing,
which is drawing up a finance project.
cool rite, but you know how to do meh.
doing it alone, do I have the ability to do it.
I don know. You dare to say yes meh.
for me, I don dare.
Especially I have no experiences in it.
Challenging but yet scary.
The trade off for this incident:-
attachment of a real accounting firm or attachment in my current company.
You never know what you will do during your interns.
you never know how much you gotta learn in your current company too.
But you can guarantee that you will learn sth from your current company,
esp on management of the company.
Are you guarantee of learning sth in your official attachments?
I don know.
Yes. too many Don know equate to no answer.
For it, the US trip,
it will be a good trip for me to experience.
but is it fair to the company.
that is my main concern.
so what is the decision.
as mentioned, my weakest point is:
I don dare to make any decision.
L . A . W . C . A . J
12:22:00 AM
Profile
Name: Weizhen
Age: 21
School: NTU-NBS
Course: Accountancy
Birthday: 31 July 85
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Characters reference :
L = Linghui
W - Weizhen
J - Jingmei
Ad - Adalene
An - Angela
C - Candice
